dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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