i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
