handjob tips. give me some.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
