I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
