I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
