No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
