If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
