He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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