how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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