I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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