smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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