She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
