Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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