Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
