she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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