Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
