i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
