Whod you bang
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
