Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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