Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
