she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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