we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
