i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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