were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
