Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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