Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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