shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
