i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
