I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
