she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
