What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
