Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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