It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
