I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
