You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
