I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
