just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
