Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
