Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
