Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
