I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
