i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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