I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
