I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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