I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
