No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
