I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
