Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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