i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
