it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
