I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
