Already got asked if we're dating
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
